I experience a rush of excitement when someone eloquently expresses ideas in Malayalam. However, an acquaintance once questioned the significance of English, asserting that English doesn't hold much importance. This made me reflect on my own journey in learning English. I vividly recall my initial struggles, from deciphering the first English word to grappling with the meanings of english poems (Poems fascinate me a lot) and attempting to understand simple stories.Upon watching Harry Potter for the first time, I enjoyed the movie but couldn't comprehend much. I was utterly perplexed, a gap I later bridged by reading the entire volumes. I recall my early struggles with constructing sentences, constantly questioning whether to use "is" or "was" and figuring out the placement of "being" and "been." I tended to overthink, especially late at night, fixating on a single grammatical error.
Transitioning from a Kerala government school to St. Teresa's College for a bachelor's degree in history was challenging even though I had a 'good' academic record. I found it tough to keep up with what teachers conveyed on the introduction day, and the sight of girls effortlessly conversing in English left me feeling intimidated. This new cultural landscape was unfamiliar and somewhat daunting. My time in a French class, spanning two long years, was particularly challenging. Surrounded by students from English literature, communicative English, and more, I occasionally found myself sweating like a pig. This discomfort led me to occasionally skip classes.
Thoughout my MPhil journey and beyond, and after Joining PhD, I came across numerous students, researchers, and even teachers struggling to articulate their excellent arguments effectively. I have seen people receiving significant praise primarily for their proficiency in English. A colleague from our Malayalam department expressed a desire to pursue studies abroad but lamented how the English language posed a barrier to his mobility. Another researcher friend would deliberately converse with me in English, seeking correction for grammatical errors. During my time at JNU, a friend enthusiastically participated in various campus programs with the hope that it would enhance his English skills. Next is the challenge faced by a colleague while articulating his thoughts in an Assistant Professor interview at a university outside Kerala.
It may not resonate with those who learned "A, B, C, D" in their LKG and UKG. It may not hold much meaning for those privileged enough to effortlessly write a thesis/proposal. It may not make sense to individuals who can express themselves simply in English. It may not click with those who can effortlessly understand an English movie on the first watch. It may not align with the experiences of those who............
Folks, your intense romanticization "English doesn't matter much, but what matters is..." stems from your privileges and luxuries. Whether you become a philosopher or delve into indepth meaning, sometimes it all comes from having the privilege to do so.
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